If you would have asked me a couple years ago if I would
consider doing a natural non-medicated birth I would have without hesitation
said no and laughed. I have hardly any pain tolerance and not a lot of
confidence in my body. But then I had an emergency c section with Drayson and
knew I didn’t want to go through that again. It was not the most pleasant
experience for him or me. It wasn’t horrible, but not what I wanted for my baby
or my body a second time around.
When we found out I was pregnant with Avi I knew I would be
going for a VBAC (Vaginal birth after cesarean), but I didn’t realize I would
also be wanting to do it non-medicated. I knew I wanted Doug and I to take a
birthing class of some kind and I stumbled across a hypnobirthing class that
was here in pleasant grove so I thought, why not? I didn’t know what
hypnobirthing was but it was a class close to our home that Doug and I could
take together to prepare for birth, so done deal. After our first of five
classes though, I was sold and hooked on the idea of a natural birth for Avi. I
wasn’t sure if I could do it, but I was going to go for it.
Hypnobirthing isn’t about someone hypnotizing you and then
having a completely painless birth like you might initially think upon hearing
“Hypno.” Not at all. We watched a lot of videos with women giving birth in
baths and it looked pretty effortless and painless, so I know if you can get
into the right mind state, it’s possible to have a painless birth. I am not one
of those people who can, or really, who is willing to let myself get to that
place. So what hypnobirthing taught me, was to RELAX. To BREATHE. To LISTEN to
your body and TRUST its natural urges. To remember that the pain will end and
that this kind of pain is your body doing what it should to bring you a baby.
And the classes gave Doug and I tools and insights on how to cope with surges
(contractions) and to breathe your baby down. Doug and I could probably talk to
someone for 3 hours about all the cool things we learned about the uterus and a
woman’s body and what it is capable of during labor and delivery. But I won’t
get into all of that here. I will say though, sphincters are amazing and a
Uterus is God’s crowning creation. Lol…but seriously wow. Learning about it all really empowered me and
made me feel confident in myself, my baby, and my body’s abilities.
Avi’s birthday began for me, around 3:30 am February 19th.
Her actual “due date” was February 8th. So as you can imagine, I was
feeling a lot of anxiety on having to be induced soon. I didn’t want to get
induced. Using Pitocin to stimulate contractions on a VBAC patient can often
lead to another c section. Me no likey. So on the 17th and 18th I
got a prenatal (labor stimulating) massage, ate some eggplant parmesan, and
took a clary sage essential oil bath. These tactics either did the trick or Avi
was just finally ready to discontinue my excellent “Womb Service” and hang out
with us for reals. Who knows. All I know
was that the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been feeling since week 25 were
beginning to feel much stronger and more intense. I had been experiencing
random episodes of these contractions a couple days before too, but they would
always fade off pretty quickly. This time they were not fading off. They began
to be more consistent. I woke up Doug and told him what was going on and then
immediately went to the bathroom to put make up on. Yes I really did that. You
gotta do what you gotta do when you have no eyebrows and you know people might
be taking pictures of you that day. Don’t judge me. I then started a bath. I
wanted to labor as much as I could at home and baths are my absolute favorite
way to relax and center myself. During all of this I would have to pause
occasionally and breathe through contractions. Doug set up camp next to the tub
with essential oils, calming music, trail mix, and our hypnobirthing book,
ready to help in any way possible. I put head phones on and listened to a relaxation
meditation I had been listening to for weeks.
Oh ignorance is bliss….I remember thinking at this point: if
these are contractions this will be a breeze. Guess what dummy, contractions
get stronger. Doy.
I texted my mom and she got my birthing entourage informed
of the goings on. I felt bad because it was super early in the morning and I
didn’t want to get them all up if this wasn’t all really going to go down. My
mom was confident this was the real deal though and was, in fact, “going to go
down”.
Eventually, my holy sanctuary (the bathtub), just wasn’t cutting
it anymore in the comfort department. Every time I felt a surge coming on I
felt like I needed back support or something to push against. The tub was not
helping me accomplish these needs. So I got up, got dressed, and moved to
sitting on the birthing ball (exercise ball) with Doug behind me on the couch.
Whenever a surge would happen I would just breathe deeply and push my back into
Doug for support.
Did I mention I was dealing with a nasty cold during all of
this? My nose was clogged. So when my entourage arrived at my house (mom, dad, Britni,
and Mei) my Dad brought a sinus rinse for me as well. I did one of these in
between contractions to help me breathe easier. This part isn’t totally necessary
for me to write about, I guess I just want extra props for being sick during
labor.
The surges were getting closer and stronger so I decided I
wanted to go to the hospital and get acclimated in my birthing room and make it
feel cozy before things got crazier. We called the midwives at AF Valley OBGYN
and they said to come in to the office first to make sure I was dilated enough
so the hospital would take me. So there we were, sitting in the lobby area of
the OB’s office, breathing heavy and contracting, lots of super pregnant women
looking at me with fear in their eyes. I started to have a contraction when the
midwife was about to check me so she jumped into doula mode and pushed against
my knees (I couldn’t believe how much that helped) while I sat on the
examination table and she talked me through it, lots of good stuff about waves.
She was so sweet. I was dilated to almost a 4 so she said I was more than
welcome to go to the hospital now if I wanted. I wanted. I knew I wouldn’t be getting
anything for the pain, I guess I just took comfort in knowing I would be
somewhere that people could help me quickly if I needed it. And then my second
thought was, dilated to a 4? Only a 4? What does a 6 or 7 or an 8 surge feel
like then? Was I going to die? Hush stupid brain. Just BREATHE. Then I
remembered that I had never even dilated past a 2 with Drayson and that my body
was going into labor all on its own. I did in fact want this to happen. So be
happy dang it! Appreciate this! BREATHE. Amidst the pain I was a little
excited.
We crossed the road to the hospital and realized we had
never been there and weren’t sure where to go. The sweet lobby ladies pointed
us in the right direction though. I got up to Labor and Delivery, they got me
into a room, and poked the shiz out of me trying to find a vein to insert the
tubey thing in, in case they needed to give me an IV at any point. My veins are
shy, not their fault they had to poke around a bunch. Anyway, I thought I would
try laboring in the tub at the hospital. That lasted about 5 minutes. Shivering
while having contractions is not a good idea by the way. So I decided to start
trying other positions that we had learned in Hypnobirthing class. I brought my own nightgown to birth in, a
pretty little black number from Target. Those hospital gowns are a bit too big
for hobit sized me and quite ugly. If I was going to birth a baby I was going
to do it in a dress I felt a little less huge in. Just another way to usher in
some confidence. I got changed and sat in the hospital bed which had
transformed into an upright “princess throne” position. I believe that’s what
they called it. I sat there and had Doug push my knees in towards the bed when
surges came. This helped a little. After doing that for a while I sat on the
birthing ball again with him behind me in a chair. This is weird, but his arm
was near my mouth at one point and I had the urge to bite the crap out of him
during a surge. I didn’t. But I wanted to. Anyway, I stood up occasionally and
leaned over the bed and just rocked side to side. I did all these things for a
while. I say awhile because I literally can’t remember how long this went on.
Hours and hours probably. I was not allowed to eat anything at the hospital but
I snuck in some trail mix once and awhile. Shhh don’t tell. I was also being
handed water and pebble ice from my sister.
At this point I made my first mistake and asked to be
checked to see how far dilated I was. This began a domino effect of despair. I
think I was at a 6 and shocked to only be at a 6 after all those surges and
hard work. My midwife could tell I was getting a tad panic-like so she
suggested breaking my water to help speed things along. I said yes please. This
is a tad frowned upon in hypnobirthing because it is not necessary and can make
it easier for bacteria to get up there. But I felt ok about it. After the water
breaking, I laid in different positions and had my birthing team pushing my
hips and sacrum. This is hard to explain so I will include pictures. Basically my
birthing team all took turns putting pressure on my hips and sacrum whenever I
breathed through a surge, while I laid over the birthing ball in the hospital
bed. When I say Pressure I mean their entire body weight. My birthing team was
amazing. They did this for me for probably ten hours by the end of it all. Doug’s
mom even helped wipe me down when I urinated all over myself. Gross, but this
is the reality of birthing people. And she was an angel to do that for me. The
physical pressure they applied helped a little but emotionally, having them
right there going through and assisting me through each surge, is what really
helped. They got me through each tidal wave.
I will admit at this point the
only techniques from hypnobirthing class I could muster to help me was how to
breathe. I couldn’t seem to get myself into a calm and relaxed mind frame
anymore. I couldn’t remember my affirmations or meditations. I just wanted Avi
here and the pain to stop. I remember telling Doug multiple times that I
couldn’t do it and that I refused to ever do it again. I felt a bit like a failure
but then swiftly remembered that I needed to stay focused, breathe, and that I was
totally doing this and could do this. Also I had to do it, because it was too
late for an epidural. No turning back now. Doug told me I could go to Hawaii
and have anything I wanted around this time. I’m going to hold him to that at
some point. **side note: My advice to
other hypnobirthing mamas or anyone giving birth without medication is to not
get checked every hour to see how far dilated you are. That is what caused my
panic and discouragement. You don’t need to know how far you are, your body
will let you know when it’s time to push. And boy mine did. And that’s when the
weird noises started coming from my mouth.
I was finally dilated to a 9 and wanting desperately to be
at a 10 so I could push. My contractions were teaming up with a pushing feeling
and I wanted to push. My cervix wanted to stay at a 9 though, yes it sure did.
The midwife did something for me to help push it over the edge and turn it into
a 10. I literally can’t remember what she did but Heaven thank her. As soon as
she said you are at a 10, push if your body wants you to push, I PUSHED. With
each contraction and pushing urge I started doing this weird low growl or
moaning noise. We talked about this in birthing class. While in classI remember
thinking there’s no way I would be making noises like that. But there I was,
doing it. I remember thinking before a surge started, “It’ll be ok because you
can make that noise again.” I can’t really explain it. It just helped. Doug and
a nurse, were helping me hold my legs up to my chest. Britni and my mom were on either side of me.
I had their hands and with each surge, push, and growl I dug their hands and
arms into the bed. I felt like I was going to break them. The midwife asked me
if I wanted to reach down and feel Avi’s head as she started coming out. I said
NO and kept pushing. I didn’t want to pause for anything, I wanted her out. The
feelings at the end of birth are so bizarre. I was excited, determined, and
felt like I was about to take a very very large number two. It literally feels
like you are going to poop out a baby. I could feel my body telling me to slow
down the pushing or there would be tearing. I could feel the burning. But I
kind of ignored that and pushed with crazy red head determination. I can deal
with tearing and stitches I thought. **side note: remember how I had a cold
through all of this? Well it magically went away during labor and magically
came back as soon as it was over. Coughing with stitches in your lady parts
sucks and is scary. If I could go back I would tell myself this and sloooooow
down.
15 hours of back breaking labor and 30 minutes of pushing
and Avi graced us with her presence. I felt my stomach empty, SOOOO weird and
cool, and there she was, in my arms, looking up at me. She didn’t cry, they
needed her to cry to get gunk out but she just didn’t cry. She was rather
peaceful despite everything going on. My family and I did cry though. It was a
team effort and we had done it! I felt relief and shock that I had done it.
Avi’s heart rate was perfect through the whole thing. She had done wonderfully
and here she was, healthy and content. I don’t have a lot of confidence in my
abilities, so I felt proud of myself. I felt grateful to my Heavenly Father for
giving me the opportunity to bring Avi into the world and to my guardian angels
and birthing team for helping me through it. It’s all overwhelming in the best
ways possible. Everything was worth those first skin to skin moments with my
Avi girl. She brought comfort to me while the midwife and nurses stitched my
torn parts and took care of everything else going on down there. Shudder. And there’s nothing like a tiny new baby
looking up at you with their adorable blue-grey newborn baby eyes. They know
who you are and cling to you. It’s a beautiful thing.
So there you have it. Would I do it again? During labor I
would have said Hell no, give me the epidural. But looking back at it now, I
think it was worth it. I was totally involved and in control of my birthing
experience. Was it painful? Yes. But it was also beautiful, empowering, awe
inspiring, and something I will never ever forget. Although I feel like I
didn’t have as much mental control as I had wanted, I wasn’t behaving like Angie
from the movie Baby Mama like I thought I would. Best of all, it was great for
Avi. She wasn’t drugged in any way like poor sleepy percoset high Drayson after
my c section. Avi and I were a birthing team and that, for me, was worth it. Also
Doug treated me like a “Birthing Goddess” for a while after words and was
totally impressed with me so that was cool.
I in no way think this is for everyone. I applaud all
mommies with whatever decisions they make for the birthing of their babies and
how they plan to raise them. Being a mom is the hardest but most rewarding job
ever and every mom knows what is best for them and their baby. And if they
don’t, they will figure it out. This just happened to work for me. It was not
easy but if Doug and I are crazy enough to have more kids I would choose
hypnobirthing again and I would try again and harder to apply everything I
learned in class. Besides, I get better with practice. I am confident in my
body and my babies. My birthing “theme” or mantra was Confidence and Love. I
definitely felt both of those things on February 19th, 2015.
No comments:
Post a Comment