Moms

I have to keep reminding myself that I'm a mom. I'm well aware of and totally in love with Drayson. But I'm realizing that I haven't felt like I've earned those stripes yet, the ever powerful and sacred title that is MOM. I've been pooped on, thrown up on, drooled on, cried on, boogered on, crawled on, etc. But that's like...mommy 101 basics. I ask Drayson everyday to be patient with me because even these 101 basics make me lose my cool sometimes. I have so much to learn and go through still with my little buddy. Every time I see my mom interact with him though, I am reminded of how to do it. She is the most loving, patient, protective, caring, thoughtful, and beautiful Mom I know. The best example I could ask for. She makes one hell of an awesome Grandma too.

I've put my mom through a lot. I'm a red head. I had some major red head rage when I was younger. I even remember her trying to brush my hair and me screaming at her, telling her I hated her. I had an evil streak but she kept me anyway. I strapped her into my roller coaster of emotions that is me and she stands here still by my side. I've always been a needy child. Now that I have my own child I feel even needier. How can I possibly be even half as great as a mom to Drayson as she was and is to me?? I will keep trying every day.

I used to think all moms were like my mom. I have come to realize that I am SPOILED. If I could share my mom with everyone I would. I would want to make sure that everyone could experience the love that my mom has for her kids and two new grand-babies for themselves. Bottle it up some how and share the wealth.

Listen, I just love Moms. I am a Mom. Like a princess mom...and my mom is the queen mom...she is training me well. But seriously, Mommy.....I love you so much. I know you always say you learned from the best. There is a HUGE part of you that is my dear sweet sanctuary guardian angel grandma Devona (I am missing her oh so much too p.s.). But there's another part of you that is just YOU. And YOU are amazing by nature. Some things can't be taught ya know? You just have it. That X factor... Mama style.

To Drayson....I am honored to be your Mom. Thank you for choosing me...thank you for loving me and needing me and giving my life more purpose than I ever knew it could posses and more love than I ever knew I could feel. Mwah! xoxoxo

Happy Mother's Day to all Mamas!!!

For Rachel

My cousin Rachel and I are the "runts" of our families, but boy do we have a large presence. We have the same hair color spirit, I say this because she is blond and I am a red head, but we share the same red head sassy fire. Watching Rachel and Hannah grow up together, it always seemed like they were a pair or a duo, attached at the hip even. I don't live in their home with them so I don't know if this is the case, but from what I have seen, their relationship reminds me of the relationship Britni and I grew up with. For these reasons I have always felt a bond with Rachel that I honestly have never openly talked about, but just knew. Considering the craziness that Rachel is going through now though, I think I would like to tell her and everyone just what I think about her now.


Rachel,

Being short is not always an easy task, not just anyone can pull it off. But you can. It used to drive me crazy when people teased or talked about me being tiny. But then I realized this saying is totally true:
 

Being short is unique and awesome. It's a humorous blessing even. Almost every day something silly happens because of being short. Also, short jokes and stories can be a great conversation starter ;)  Dynamite comes in small packages, the best perfumes come in tiny bottles, fun size candy is the best, travel size anything is more convenient, etc. These are all true facts. Own your tiny stature little lady. Our Little Grandma was the best example of doing just that. She was a powerful force and I think you are too. And when there are tough short girl problem days, cause there are, just call me and we will make fun of the tall people and go shopping in the kids section and get happy meals cause we can...so there. I love being the runt along with you.

I love following you on instagram. You always post uplifting and wonderful things. And I love that you follow me and always leave such sweet comments about Baby Dray. You radiate positivity!

Why this tumor has come to you, I have no clue. I hate this tumor for coming to you. BUT, you are going to kick it's ass. That I am sure of. You are the beautiful mighty Rachel. This visitor is not welcome and you will show it the door. And we will all be there to help you give it the finger while you escort it out. In fact, I'm giving it the finger now. The road will be a hard one but you got this Rachel. And being tough doesn't mean you cant cry. If you feel like crying then you cry, it's actually quite healthy! We will cry with ya and then help lift your spirits with happy laughing tears instead ;) Little, to me, means powerful. So I Love you Little Rachel. Consider the Petersen's yours.

Love,
your little compadre,
Erika

If I could get an explanation from God....warning: these are mostly girly problems and I'm not holding back.

If I could get an explanation from God about some things, as of right now, this would be my list: (in no particular order)

1-Teething. Why does teething have to hurt so bad? I am almost to the breaking point watching Dray struggle with pain because these tiny little teeth are cutting through his gum. He cant sleep either. I've tried cold chew toys, cold wash cloths, teething tablets, clove oil, pushing on him gums with my fingers, ice cubes wrapped in a wash cloth, etc etc etc. It just doesn't seem fair that a little baby must go through this!

2-Postpartum. So you just pushed a baby out of your who-haw and now you have to learn to nurse (see #3) so heck, let's throw in some emotional trauma. You have the urge to cry over anything, everything, and nothing all at the same time! The stress and anxiety over now caring for and raising this beautiful (but scary and screaming) child seems almost unbearable. Thrown in some major sleep deprivation to that mix as well for some real fun.

3-Nursing. All the new parents videos made it look so beautiful. What a bonding experience it will be they say. I would say I feel that way about it 1 out of every 10 nursing sessions. At the beginning it was beyond stressful...add that postpartum and you have red swollen eyes for weeks. Did you know that little new born babies can suck crazy strong? I mean enough that your nipples crack, bleed, and hurt so bad that you sob and hold your breath through trying to feed your baby. Oh but don't tense up when feeding your baby, they can sense it and it will stress them out and then your milk have trouble coming in. GGGAAH are you serious??!! How do you relax when it feels like someone is slowly trying to cut/pull your nipple off??  Dray is 7 months old now and it is no longer painful. But still a little stressful. Is he getting enough? Am I eating things that are making him sick? He has teeth now...have you ever had someone bite your tender nursing nipples? Wowzers that's a doozy.  Then when you are away from your baby for a few hours your boobs get so full of milk they feel like rocks that are going to explode. And they sometimes do. Hope you have some pads in your bra for when that happens. Dudes will just never get this.

4-Hemorrhoids and/or anal fissures. If being pregnant wasn't hard enough you are usually left with these afterwords. Lets see if your butt hole will fall apart and cause more pain than anything EVER every time you need to drop a deuce. I dare you to not pick up a swearing problem after dealing with those. They even make grown men scream and cry for help. Trust me on this. I woke up to my upstairs neighbor screaming and cussing up a storm so bad I thought he had cut off an arm. So I went upstairs to check on him and he waddles out of the bathroom saying, "sorry, I have hemorrhoids." Immediately I get it...and I want to go get him the number for the butt doctor who fixed me up and give him all my left over stupid creams that barely helped. I guess men get to experience this horrible thing too.

5- Periods......really painful terrible bloody periods that make you pass out, throw up, and want narcotics. I mean, periods so bad that you ask people if they have a tranquilizer they could shoot you with to just knock you out for a few days. But wait! Are you nursing?? You better not take anything too strong that can mess with your milk. Suffer through it. Suffer. Why does it have to hurt so bad?? The PMS that comes along with it is outrageous too. My husband sure enjoys it too.

I think there are more but I must tend to my teething baby. I am not blaming God for any of these things. I would just like to discuss with him why they happen and then kindly ask him to make it all go away. And if no changes will be made...well, then I think God should make it so I wont gain weight from all the ice cream and treats it takes to help me deal with these issues.

P.s. I love my baby Drayons sooooo much that all of this is worth it if it means I get him. And the times that nursing does work out great it is a little magical and cute. Although lately when he is nursing he likes to grab my face and mouth and scratch, slap, and pull. That is not so cute.