Christmas feels good :)

Drayson has been taking great naps today so I have time to blog.....I dont have anything to say really though. Other than I LOVE Christmas. I love how everyone is in a giving mood and spirit. I wish it would carry on with everyone for the rest of the new year too. How cool would that be? 

I'm super excited for Drayson's first Christmas. I wish his cousin Mei could be here with him! I'm sure he will enjoy playing with boxes and paper more than he will enjoy the toy smart phone I got him. But I am still excited to watch him open it. 

I also wish there were 3 of me during the holidays. Because I have three families I would love to spend the whole day with but just cant. 

This New Year's Eve will be a tender one. My Grandma DeVona passed away last year on New Year's Eve just before midnight. I know she got a chance to hang out with Drayson while he was still in Heaven waiting to board the crazy train that is Doug and I. But I can't help but wish she was here with us still so I could watch her with Dray baby. I miss her so much. There's a part of me in denial that she isn't in St. George just hanging out still. When I do let myself think about not being able to give her a hug or talk with her I break down a little. I cant wait to see and hug my sassy 4'9 friend again. But until then....we shall play canasta and swear up a storm in honor of her. New year's eve we're going to play canasta all night in honor of that wonderful Grandma, Mother, and Best Friend. I am going to channel her and kick everyone's butts. 

Warning: This is a hatred of pornography vent session

Ok, I am all for freedom of speech/expression, but I don't think Pornography should be a part of that because it is twisted and messed up. I also think teaching/preparing your children to guard themselves from porn is awesome, but I honestly don't think it's enough. Which sucks. I will be doing all I can to help my children through it but I think it's about time serious measures are taken to knock it off and out.

The porn industry is a filthy sack of rotting cow crap that destroys anything and everything sacred. It's addicting and seriously messes with your brain. I think it should be abolished and all those involved in the production of it should be fined and get therapy. This will never happen though, so any and every way to make it harder to access is a great step. There should be no justification for it's existence. If life wasn't hard enough, humans throw crap like porn into the mix. It's like we're asking for and teaching men and women to have really screwed up ideals of each other by it being out there and so easily accessed. It's creating our future sexual predators. It's a joke!

I really wish we had a super human hero who could take this issue into their hands and make it their job to obliterate it from planet Earth! Because I think it would take a super hero to do it. So while we wait for this Porno Pulverizer to come rid us of the filth, take a stand and support any efforts made to guard ourselves from it. Teach your kids about it, talk about it, and get help with it if you have an addiction.

Ok rant over.

Happy Birthday Mom!

I'm sure no one will believe this (jk), but I was a HELLION when I was younger. My red head rage was at it's peak. I told people what I wanted, when I wanted it, where I wanted it, and that was that. I would claw Britni's face, hit Madison (with full force) with my dinosaur doll when he snored, scream hateful things at my mom when she tried to brush my hair, glare at people on planes, yell at my great grandma, etc. I don't know how any mom would put up with it. My own mother was about ready to give me away to my Grandma. I don't blamer her. Thankfully my Grandma was a miracle worker and managed to (through herbal remedies) drain some of the copper from my system. My hair got a little less red, my eyes turned a little more green and a little less copper, and I calmed way down. From then on I was an Angel. Not really. But I was way better. My mom kept me and I'm glad she did.

My mom is a Grizzly Bear Mama. If you dare to cross her kids she will murder you most ferociously. In the first grade, my evil teacher whom I hated, made me write sentences because I put my head down for seriously two seconds while watching a documentary about crystal formations. I was such a tiny little kid and that TV was so freaking high! My neck was killing me from looking up. So I put my head down to rest it for a second and she called me out in front of the class and made me write sentences. I was oh so shy. This experience freaked me out big time. When I got home I was miserable and couldn't believe I had gotten in trouble. My mom knew something was up with me. So she asked me what was wrong and I told her through tears what had happened. She got on the phone and I don't know who she talked to but I know they were getting their butts verbally kicked. I felt better much better :)

My mom always did super special things for us on our birthday. She made us whatever we wanted for breakfast and dinner. She also made whatever cake we wanted. Even if it was one with the backstreet boys on it or a Halloween themed cake, or angle food cake, whatever you wanted! In Junior high she came to school and decorated my locker, she set up a surprise date with my crush when I turned 16, took me to a backstreet boys concert, there were always balloons and banners, etc. She made us feel like a Queen (or King) for the day.

My mom and I eventually did hit a rough patch. At the time I thought she was trying to control me and be a royal pain, so I distanced myself from her in every way possible. Now I know she was just trying to stop me from feeling horrible heartache. I'm glad that phase of my life is over. Cause I function the way I should and waaaay better when my mom and I are best friends.

Today is her birthday. She was up at the crack of dawn catering an event for friends. This is what my mom does. She loves to do things for people. Especially when it involves making them something yummy. She is the most deeply caring person you will meet. You have a friend for life, no matter what, if you keep her close. She's amazing at what she does and she does A LOT. She lost her own mom last New Years Eve and has made it a goal to be just as amazing as she was with her grand kids

. She's already done it and continues to do it on a daily basis. Her mama would be and totally is proud of her. Without a doubt.

Anyway, Drayson is demanding my attention at this point. He has some of my red head rage in his genetic make up somewhere. But I just wanted to brag about my mom for a bit. I love you so much Mom! Happy Birthday!

I forgot about this blog for a few years.....

I forgot about this blog until my friends started posting on theirs. I love reading their posts so I thought I would give this another shot.

My life is abundantly better and more exciting these days. Doug and I have made a baby and he's the cutest and most wonderful baby ever. Doug and I both agree that our life before Drayson was quite boring and lame. Now it all makes sense. I'm not implying that Doug and I have a clue on how to be parents and not ruin our beautiful little boy, but we at least know what we will be working towards for the rest of our lives. Right now Dray baby is wrestling my pillow pet. Adorable.

Doug and I still take photos for people, but rarely. I will get back into it more when Dray is a little older.

I have become a Mom. Suddenly I understand my own mother more. Suddenly I hate horrible lyrics in music. Disney stars gone bad make me angry beyond all reason. I check to make sure Dray is breathing when he's napping. I wonder how anything and everything could be eaten and choked on. I want to bubble wrap my house. I cry when I watch Oral B commercials that focus on Dads. I cry when babies are born on movies, tv shows, commercials, etc. I talk in baby talk 95% of my day. I post 10 more photos on instagram and facebook of Drayson in a day than I need to, I can't help myself. I am just obsessed with this kid. My car CD player blasts Kenny Loggins Lullabies, Mindy Gledhill, and Backstreet Boy's new cd (because it is wonderful and very family friendly). He coughs and I want to take him to the doctor. He farts and I wonder if it's normal for it to smell that bad already. I wake up in a panic when Dray has slept through the night. I glare at Doug if he's brushing his teeth too loud after I've put Dray to bed. Poor Doug. He is married to a crazy lady. I listen to the song Come What May from Moulin Rouge and think of Drayson instead of can can dancers. I could care less about how my hair looks most days. I prefer Doug's clothes to my own. I talk about eating healthy to lose baby weight but I bake cookies instead. I can hardly form sentences that make any sense at all when I talk to people, I think due to lack of sleep or brain cells that died during pregnancy.
I clap and cheer for Drayson when he poops. I pop my boob out to feed Dray without considering how my brother or others in the room might feel about it. I want to physically harm people who are not good to babies. New mommy problems.

I am so afraid to mess this mommy job up that I am at my own mom's house almost every day. I'm getting braver and braver though. One day at a time. Baby steps even ;) I think God took a look at all my family and decided Dray would be safe even if I mess up. Thank goodness for my family.

The other night I had the best dream ever. I was somewhere doing something and walked into a room where Drayson was being babysat by other people. He was old enough to be walking pretty well. He looked a little nervous to be around all these people, but trying to be brave. As soon as he caught site of me though, he ran over to me crying and shaking. He grabbed onto me with his arms tight around my neck and gave me a "I'm never letting go" kind of hug. Everything in me felt warm and I knew I was Dray's sanctuary and that I would never be anything less than that for him. I woke up crying and just overwhelmed with love for my little guy. God blesses me with the sweetest of dreams. His tender mercies never cease and often come to me in dream form. That's another subject for another post some other time though.

Anyway, I love my husband, I love my Drayson, and  I have never been happier. Drayson is sleeping now, so I should probably sleep too. Instead I will probably clean up the house...because while I was pregnant and "nesting" I developed a clean house obsession that to this day I cannot shake. Again, Mommy problems.

*Side note....Mindy Gledhill's voice calms and puts babies to sleep. At least it has worked magic for Doug and I... and my sister Britni's baby Mei. Her new CD Pocketful of Poetry is AMAZING.